Adventures into Feanger
by insomination
Summary: For Chris, who never gave up on my ability to write this.
1. Escorted Out

Fear knew that they had to be doing this to get some stupid funny photo of him. I mean, a haunted house? Really? They're just being sadistic now. He clutched Anger's hand a little tighter, and thanked all his lucky stars that all Anger did was squeeze back. He knew, consciously and logically that Anger wouldn't do that, but he couldn't shake the feeling. It was just buried to deep in his personality.  
They were at the door. Taking a breath, he steeled himself and went inside.  
As Fear and Anger were quickly escorted from the building, Fear couldn't help but smile. They had made it through three jumpscares before Anger snapped and ripped the fake zombie off the wall for "daring to scare my boyfriend!" They were immediately asked to leave. After Anger calmed down considerably of course. Fear knew that that behavior was probably half a step away from being abusive and controlling, but Fear always kept an eye out, and Anger never crossed the line.  
His boyfriend indeed.


	2. Blown Gasket

Anger sat at the edge of the pier, eyes closed, dangling his legs over the water and taking deep, calming breaths. Keep cool, don't blow up over it.  
"Hey." a soft voice came from behind him.  
"Hey Fear." Anger said, not opening his eyes. Fear would understand. They had been together three years after all.  
"I think you did really well in there." Fear said, sitting down at the edge with Anger, folding his legs under him.  
"Really? What part was your favorite? When I threw the pie at his head, or followed it up with the stool I was sitting on?"  
"Ok. So maybe you were a little…aggressive about it. But come on, that asshat was cursing out black people. To a little girl who only wanted a shake! I kinda wanted to throw the chair at him too."  
"Well you didn't. You kept a lid on it."  
"But I'm really glad you did."  
Anger turned to him in surprise. "What?"  
"I really am!" Fear replied, chuckling a little at his boyfriend's surprise. "I was too scared to go up and say something." Fear said, hanging his head. "I just wanted to melt into my seat. That guy was so loud! I would've…I would've just left that little girl out in the cold. But not you! You wouldn't stand for that! Sure, you escalated it a bit too rapidly, but you stood up for her! That's more than I could ever…are you crying?"  
"No! Shut up." Anger said, keeping his head down.  
Fear only grinned and handed him a tissue from his pocket. Anger took it and blew his nose, for totally unrelated reasons of course. When he tried to hand it back, Fear went "Ew. No. Germs."  
Anger only laughed and stood up as he wiped his eyes on his sleeve. "Time to go?"  
"Yep. Come on." Fear said, walking him back down the pier to where the squad car was waiting.  
"Hey Nick."  
"Hey Anger." Officer Luis said as he held the door open for Anger. "Between you 'n me Anger, I think that guy deserved it."  
"Still doesn't make it legal to throw chairs at people Nick."  
"Fair point. Hey Fear." Officer Luis said as he shut the door and walked around to the other side of the car.  
"Hey Nick. You bring him back in one piece, alright?"  
"You know it Beanpole."  
"See you in a day or two Anger!" Fear yelled as the car pulled out.  
Anger waved at him through the back window.


	3. Chill

Getting hit by the car was definitely not part of Fear's plans for the day.

That's pretty obvious, to be fair. No one exactly plans to get into a car accident. But he never really thought it would happen. There he was, riding his bike out of the store with some light groceries like he did at least twice a month. He was crossing the street, after looking both ways, on a crosswalk, with a stop sign in his favor.  
And then he was on the ground.  
And then his leg really REALLY hurt. And after an eternal five or so minutes, he was in an ambulance.

The scariest part of being hit by a car wasn't the hit or the pain, but a corrective surgery needed a week or so later.  
He didn't even need to speak to Anger for Anger to see he was scared out of his adorable head.  
Fear had never needed surgery before, and at least four of his numerous phobias were acting up.  
"Stop right there. You're gonna be fine." Anger said, dragging a chair over and sitting next to Fear's bed, taking his hand. "And I know you're gonna be fine, 'cause you're a tough guy for your build. I've seen you run a mile in four minutes, Fear. Your legs could bend titanium."  
At this point Fear was blushing and smiling.  
"One little car hasn't changed that. Y'know, this isn't even a corrective surgery. They're just doing it so they can see what makes your muscles so strong, so they can replicate it in their secret government troops."  
Now Fear was laughing.  
Anger always knew how to pull him out of a funk.

The surgery went beautifully, and Fear made a full recovery.


	4. Nerd

Fear was on his laptop when Anger walked in.  
"Hey Fear. What's up?"  
Fear slammed his laptop shut when he heard Anger's voice. "Oh nothing. What about you?" He said, trying to sound not-suspicious and failing miserably. Anger narrowed his eyes.  
"What were you doing on your laptop Fear?"  
"Nothing!"  
"Yeah sure. Were you watching porn?"  
"No."  
"Reading porn?"  
"No!"  
"Writing porn?"  
"THERE WAS NO PORN!"  
"Then show me the laptop."  
"No."  
Anger decided to employ his ultimate tactic. He got really close to Fear, then kissed him square on the lips.  
Then he yanked the laptop out of Fear's hands and bolted.  
"Hey! Come back!" Fear shouted, chasing his boyfriend down the hall.  
"Wait." Fear stopped. "You don't know my password."  
There was the electronic *ding* from down the hall of a laptop unlocking.  
"How do you know my password?!" Fear shrieked as he sprinted down the hall. He tore into the room, but it was too late. Anger's face was illuminated by his laptop's last open screen.  
"Fear." Anger whispered. "You're a Steven Universe fan?"  
Fear stayed silent and waited for the penny to drop.  
Anger shrugged. "Cool." he said as he shut the laptop and tossed it back to Fear.  
"Wait, what?" Fear asked as Anger got up and walked by him. "You're not embarrassed? Or going to laugh at me? Or angry?"  
"Of course not. It's fine to like the show. It's not my thing, but if you like it, than that's important to you."  
Fear teared up a little.  
He got a lifesize exact replica of Pearl's spear for Christmas that year.


	5. Sensible

Fear considered himself a reasonable person about most things, as crazy as that sounded. He knew some of his more outlandish phobias were unreasonable, but for the most part he was sensible most of the time.  
So why was this not one of those times?  
Fear knew Anger was nothing but professional with his co-workers, and he had even expressed his dislike of this particular co-worker on many occasions. So why was this professional dinner bothering him so much?  
Fear knew sitting with his eyes glued to the clock was unhealthy for his physical and mental facilities, but he just couldn't stop.  
It had been an hour and thirty nine minutes.  
Give or take forty seconds.  
The door opening interrupted his thoughts.  
"Hey Fear!" Anger called out as he hung his coat on the hook.  
"Hey Anger." Fear said, meeting him by the door. "How was your dinner?"  
"Ugh. The guy's still just as annoying as ever." Anger replied as he walked by, headed for the kitchen. "How was your night?"  
"Oh you know, pretty dull." Fear replied as he searched Anger's coat pocket for a phone number.


	6. Common Sense pt 1

Fear never really got that whole "hero" thing.  
Running off, fighting any monster you could possibly find, ending up with a whole procession of princesses, risking life and limb on a weekly business, he never really got into it. Maybe it was because he didn't like the way those guys (they were always guys) acted like they were God's gift to the planet.  
Maybe it's because he wasn't really into princesses.  
And sure, his name did (accurately) imply that he was a little scared.  
Either way, he was perfectly happy running his book and scroll shop, and giving the heroes a friendly wave as they pass on by.  
Was.  
One morning, a new hero showed up.  
His door was opened not forcefully, but not gently either. In strode a stout, short man who looked for all the world like a dwarf, excluding his lack of hair.  
"Uh, how can I help you today sir?" Fear asked, mildly taken aback by this fellow's aggressive glare.  
"I need your biggest, most informative book on Griffins elf." The short man replied.  
"Sure thing. Wait right here." Fear replied as he went to go hunt down the book. Normally he would direct the man to the right spot, but since he was the only customer all day, Fear decided to be more helpful than usual.  
Returning with the tome, for a large, heavy tome it was, Fear dropped it down onto the counter with a *THUD* and said "Fifteen gold coins please."  
"FIFTEEN?"  
"This is 'Argoth's Complete History of Griffins' friend. If someone knows something about griffins, it's in here."  
Eyeing up the book, the man grumbled and pulled out a coin purse. Halfway through counting out the fee, Fear's door burst open once again.  
"Anger! Please don't go!" A breathy, annoying voice Fear knew all too well called from across the threshold.  
The short man, presumably Anger, had just enough time to look angrily startled before he was tackled by Dythia.  
Dythia was what Fear liked to call "the town leach." She attached herself to the current hero in town, and looked all holier-than-thou to anyone who actually cared to look.  
And she was currently attached to Anger.  
"Look lady, I already told you I'm not interested!" Anger replied hotly, forcefully and carefully detaching Dythia from his side. "Go back to your home!" Anger said, following this up with a surprising show of strength, carrying Dythia to the door, placing her on the outside, and then shutting it. He returned to the counter to finish paying. "Sorry. She's been all over me since I got in."  
"It's OK. She does it to every hero. The heroes don't usually visit my bookstore though." Fear replied, trying to keep the curiosity out of his voice.  
"Yeah, well, I heard you guys have a griffin problem-"  
"You heard right."  
"-and I figured since I don't know anything about griffins, I should come study up. Here you are. 15 gold coins. Is there a return policy?"  
"I'll refund you 1/3 the price of you bring it back just as I gave it to you."  
"Deal. Thank you, elf." The stout man replied before exiting the shop.  
"You're welcome, Anger." Fear replied, looking forward to his return and finding himself rooting for a hero for the first time in a while.


	7. Common Sense pt 2

Fear was happily dusting the shelves, and enjoying the ease his elvish height granted, when he heard his door bang open, followed by hearing it slam shut. Jumping, Fear turned towards the front of the building, trembling and clutching his duster like a weapon.  
"Elf! Help me!"  
No way. It couldn't be.  
Fear poked his head around the corner and saw Anger forcibly holding the door shut.  
Anger saw him too. "Elf! Please! You have to hide me! These people have gone mad! They've tried to elect me their king three times!"  
As Fear listened closely, he heard the chant of "ANGER! ANGER! ANGER!" outside the door.  
"Really?"  
"Yes really!" Anger replied, grunting as the door bucked particularly hard.  
"And you turned them down?"  
"Yes!"  
"Why?"  
"I don't want to be king!"  
"What do you want?"  
"I WANT THEM TO GO AWAY!"  
Fear rushed over and braced his hands on the door beside Anger's. "Right. Hold on. I'll hold the door, you drag over a bookcase to hold it closed with."  
"Ok."  
"3…2…1…Now!"  
Fear wheezed as the full weight of the door was released into his hands. Using all of his focus, he held the door shut while Anger brought the cabinet.  
When he had finally braced the door, Fear collapsed and rubbed his (admittedly small) biceps. "Good gold that was tough."  
Anger laughed, a hearty bellow that hurt Fear's ears. "You did well."  
Awkward silence.  
"Well," Fear said "why don't I show you your new room?"


	8. Common Sense pt 3

So, as it turned out, that the griffin Anger had killed had hit him with some sort of pheromone that made him irresistible to humans. Luckily, the only person Anger semi-liked happened to be an elf. And a smart one at that.  
"Ok. So it looks like we could make the antidote serum, or wait it out for…a month."  
"A MONTH?"  
"Oh. I have worse news."  
"What?"  
"I count at least three of the ingredients in this antidote that don't exist anymore."  
"FUCKING GRIFFINS!"

And so, they waited. Luckily, Fear's store doubled as his house so they had somewhere comfortable to live, and his paranoia-induced well-stocked cellar, so they had plenty to eat. What they didn't have plenty of, was patience. "So killing them really isn't an option?"  
"You're not going to kill all my neighbors Anger."  
"What if they get in?"  
"Go for it."  
"What if I let them in?"  
"Then I'm throwing you out and locking the door."  
Anger soon found what Fear liked to call his "Frustration Post". Whenever Anger was angry, he would go to the post and punch, kick, and physically abuse it until he felt better. The post lasted the first three days.


End file.
